This is life, not heaven. You don't have to be perfect

We need to chop your clock off, tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock!

2007-12-06T17:11:50Z

Does anybody even use livejournal anymore? It's been over two years since I've written on mine. How crazy is that?

It's been a long time. Shouldn't'a left you...

2006-02-20T20:21:41Z

So it's been a while. Lots of shit has gone down. Finally feel like I'm on the right track mentally.
I had to put my dog down on Saturday. I'm really sad, but dealing with it a hell of a lot better than I thought I would. I kind of feel bad about not feeling fucking shitty all the time. Is that weird? I feel like I should be constantly sad because I miss him so much, but everything else seems to be going so well that it's hard. Maybe this was fate's way of trying to keep me ok about the whole thing. Everything else bad was fixed in my life to make this decision not so hard to deal with. I don't know. Does any of that make sense? I miss him horribly though. The house is so damn empty and I constantly hear him even though it really isn't him. I was there for it. I was the one who took him there and had to leave him. That was the worst part..leaving. I almost couldn't do it. But I couldn't stay there forever. I would have.

Ok I'm out. I had to update about him because I miss him so much. I'll talk to you all either soon or in another couple of months. Later, and don't miss me too much.

Thought. I actually fell asleep in class today. I've never done that. It was fucking weird because I would start to dream and then I could feel my head falling and I'd almost wake up so I knew that I was in class but I couldn't open my eye for anything. SO I left at break. I couldn't do another hour and a half of that class. OK bye.

I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way.

2005-12-07T03:41:40Z

you are BETTE! you've got an established career, a
significant other, and ethnicity that no one
can define. you're also fairly hot!

Which Character from The L Word are You???
brought to you by Quizilla

Originally when I took this I got Jenny. Well, I sure as hell don't want to be Jenny and I don't consider myself Jenny, so I took it again. I don't really want to be Bette, but whatever.

Now I know you can rent it. A new lease you are my love.

2005-12-01T02:14:42Z

I took the "The Animal Spirit" quiz on gURL.com
		My animal spirit is... The Mongoose The mongoose is the only animal that would risk life and limb for a loved one. The mongoose also uses its speed to escape danger when it finds itself in a tight spot. According to shamanistic wisdom, mongoose people value relationships over everything and are the most loyal of friends. Read more... What is your animal spirit?

Today's the first day of my life.

2005-10-10T01:01:43Z

I got a job at The Planet!!! I'm so excited! I start training tomorrow before I go to work at Toon Shop and my life is going to be crazy busy from now until I start training actually start working at the Planet. I'll only work there on Thursdays but I'm still working there and that makes me so unbelievably happy!!!

I move out of my apartment and into my parents house in two weeks from today. Ugh. For the most part it should be ok except for when my mother is a raging bitch. I'm going to do my best to make it work for the next year. Wish me luck.

Later.

What I calls enterprise, popping pussies into pies.

2005-09-19T22:34:14Z

I'm just so damn sick of school. I just want to either get it fucking done and over with or just fucking leave. I truly don't think school is for me. I'm just not cut out for the work. Call me lazy, but I'm not. And I don't want be one of those people who go part time and finish after six or seven years and only come out with an associates degree. I don't want to be in school forever. My dream is to own a coffeehouse and I really don't need to go to school for that. Yeah, I might need things like accounting and what not, but I can do that. I don't have to get a degree. I'll just work in a coffeehouse and learn everything there is to learn about it. That's what Libby and Nikole did. I'm sure it will be hard, but I just can't put up with all the stress and pain that comes with school. It's not something I'm all that willing to put up with. I was never taught good study skills and now that I need to really do well in school I don't have the discipline that it takes. This is fucking ridiculous! I was always so much happier when I didn't need to worry about it.

This is my rifle, this is my gun. This one's for fighting, this one's for fun.

2005-09-19T00:37:42Z

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Famous Astrologer.

Where You Lived: Ireland.

How You Died: Hung for treason.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

But I don't wanna go to the dose!!! I want people to come over here. I'm at my parents house and I'm bored and nobody will come play with me!

And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I've done you blame me for.

2005-09-15T14:21:34Z

It just plain hurts.

'cause blue eyes you're all that i need. 'cause blue eyes you're the nice to my mean.

2005-09-15T13:38:24Z

I saw Laura this weekend and it was really nice. She helped me with a few things that I needed to get out of the way and now that they're out of the way I think the dreams will stop. The past few weeks I've been dreaming about the same person over and over again. I do believe it's because there is so much that hasn't been said and so many questions I need to ask. I need some kind of closure; need to know why. It really isn't fair. I'm the one that was always there. Where are you? You won't even give me respect enough to tell me what I did wrong. But if that's how it's going to be then I guess I have no other choice but to accept your decision. I think you could have at least looked at me when you saw me.

I'm sitting in my computer class pondering if anything is worth it. In the end, I realize that it is worth all the trouble, but all the reward will come after lots of work. Ugh. Work, how I loathe thee.

I'm out. Later all.

And I've been swinging around at nothing. I don't know when you're gonna make your move.

2005-08-05T02:19:06Z

You are a cunt.

She's listening through the air shaft to see how long our swan song can last.

2005-07-13T01:59:24Z

So Laura's brother's wife had their baby this morning. Three thirty this morning. Laura sent me a text saying that the baby was born and all and I wanted her to do that, I just didn't realize I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep after that. I worked ten and a half hours today, which to some people might not be much to complain about, but when you spend it all in the hot sun on your knees that hurt like hell, it sucks a lot.
Pat and I went and played a little softball last night, which is why my knees hurt and my back is really sore. It was so much fun!!!

Ok I'm out. Love you all! xoxoxo

I said what you wanted to hear.

2005-07-06T02:55:04Z

Meow? Meow. Meeeeeeooooooow!!!

Ok so I don't have anything to say. I'm a little broke..I think...Trying to fill out an online student loan application is kinda hard when you don't know all the information and your father is getting ready to go to bed. Hopefully I can get it finished tomorrow afternoon and send it in and get my loan! Woot!

Out.

But I won't be your good for now. So don't say you love me when you don't know how.

2005-06-22T20:23:03Z

The only thing I think of when I think of last summer is how much I miss you. We were all but inseparable, hanging out almost every day and talking for hours on end. What happened? You told me wherever you went, I had to go too. You told me that I was the most important person in your life. What happened? I would have given my life for you. How can you throw that away so easily? I haven't heard from you for weeks and you show no sign of wanting to change that. Why? Where did you go? And have you changed so much that I won't recognize and appreciate you when you come back? Is it worth waiting around for anyway? Seems like it shouldn't be, since you don't seem to care. But I can't help myself. I'll be here when you come around and need me. I'll do what I can, because as you said, I am the only one who truly stays.

kendralicious @ 2005-06-16T10:17:00

2005-06-16T15:20:08Z

Emo Kid
You are 28% Rational, 42% Extroverted, 42% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Emo Kid, best described as a quiet pussy! You tend to be an intuitive rather than a logical thinker, meaning you rely more on your feelings than your thoughts. Not only that, but you are introverted, gentle, and rather humble. You embody all the traits of the perfect emo kid. You are a push-over, an emotional thinker, gentle to the extent of absurdity, and so humble that it even makes Jesus puke. If you write poetry, you no doubt write angsty, syrupy lines about depression, sadness, and other such redundant states of emo-being. Your personality is defective because you are too gentle, rather underconfident in yourself, decidely lacking in any rational thought, and also a bit too inhibited.

I probably made you cry, didn't I? Fucking Emo Kid.

To put it less negatively:

1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.

2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted.

3. You are more GENTLE than brutal.

4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant.

Compatibility:

Your exact opposite is the Smartass.

Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Televangelist, and the Starving Artist.

If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.

The other personality types:

The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.

The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.

The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.

The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 12% on Rationality

You scored higher than 43% on Extroversion

You scored higher than 48% on Brutality

You scored higher than 43% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

This is so not true!!! Humble..? Yeah right!!! Gentle? Sometimes. Introverted? Whatever.

kendralicious @ 2005-06-13T21:59:00

2005-06-14T03:02:30Z

What is a good quote for you? by grlinterupted
Name
Color
Say what??	"Every time I go to the doctors I get a jacket, a straight one. It makes me feel special because I get to hug myself."

Quiz created with MemeGen!

So you wanted to take a break, slow it down some and have some space. Well fuck you too!

2005-06-08T19:41:44Z

So I'm working at the pool. I love it so much! I am so glad I'm not at the mall anymore and those fuckers can kiss my ass. I have a great tan, I get to work outside and it's great. The only bad thing, which might get to be a bit of a problem, is my co-workers. They are all about 17 and are so fucking immature, it's driving me crazy! I get to hear the wonderful words 'fag' and 'that's gay' all the time and if it doesn't get taken care of soon then I'm going to have to kill someone to make an example of what happens when one pisses me off. Maybe at the next guard meeting I should just say 'ok everyone, this is a problem and if it doesn't get fixed soon then I'm going to have to kill whoever pisses me off next.' So yeah...I don't really have a whole lot to say right now.

Laura is coming over in a little bit and I'm excited. It's really good to hang out with her now. I was afraid this summer was going to be really hard because I would want to hang out with her but could deal with her being around and all that, but seeing her is really nice. We have fun.

Ok I'm out. Have a good day all. xoxoxo

On sleepless roads the sleepless go. My angels lead you in.

2005-05-25T16:46:49Z

Done with the mall, start at the pool on Sunday, sunburn is going away, and I am scraping for money for the first time in my life. Thank goodness for book buy backs! At least now I can pay for gas.

The song lyric is from Jimmy Eat World. It makes me sad because it's a song that Ian, Kristen's brother use to play and his father played it at Ian's funeral. I'm currently trying to learn how to play it myself.

Later days.

I wanna tell you everything. I want to make your toes curl.

2005-05-20T21:15:09Z

You scored as C-3PO.

</td>

C-3PO

61%

Padme Amidala

58%

Anakin Skywalker

56%

Darth Vader

56%

Clone Trooper

47%

Obi Wan Kenobi

47%

Mace Windu

39%

Yoda

31%

General Grievous

28%

Emperor Palpatine

28%

R2-D2

25%

Chewbacca

17%

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Yeah, that's weird...I am not a cyborg...but whatever...I dunno.

I go do some of my pool stuff tonight and I'm excited! I only have two more days at the mall!!!!!!! Hallelujah! *angels fly 'round my head and the suns peaks out of the clouds* Life is nice right now!

I saw Laura the other day. It was really good to see her.

Ok I'm out. Later kids!!!

I'm dumb she's a lesbian...We're good as married in my mind, but married in my mind's no good.

2005-05-12T15:39:10Z

So my birthday was on Tuesday and it was wonderful thanks to all my friends! A bunch of us hung out at The Planet and partied like it was 1999! Woot. Ok I'm a little weird, I know...but you still love me!
My mom bought me a littel Eeyore stuffed animal that is so cute and cuddley and she bought me an Eeyore shirt that says Cheerful Pessimist. She thinks I'm like Eeyore because she only hears me when I'm constantly bitching and a little grumpy. I also received the third Harry Potter movie, some glucosamine chondroitin for my joints, and the first season of Buffy (Nikole and Libby were going to buy that for me, though)! I only got through the first two episodes and fell asleep through the third, I was so tired.
I also got free dinner from Angela at The Planet, free peanut butter cheesecake and a latte from Libby and Nikole, and April got me Weezer's Pinkerton, which is really good! Thank you!!!

Ok I'm off to practice my guitar and then maybe even study some math since my final is on Monday. I didn't bomb my math test yesterday like I thought I would so that makes me really happy!!! Later days! xoxoxoxo

(I heard this from one of the DJ's on 96.5 the buzz) The only person who chose to love me also chose not to.

If I could find you now things would get better.

2005-05-07T18:29:54Z

So I don't work until three. It's given me time to put some more music on my computer which is nice. I also watched part of Finding Neverland. Yeah, life is exciting! And I'm gonna stop while I'm ahead...er..something. Later kids! xoxoxoxo

[A] - Age you got your first kiss: 6th grade to a boy. I was his first kiss too. He ended up being gay, too. We always found that very amusing and told many stories about it.
[B] - Band listening to right now: Ani DiFranco/ Green Day
[C] - Crush: Um...a few...no names.
[D] - Dad's name: Robert Drew
[E] - Easiest person to talk to: I dunno. Each person has certain things about them that get me talking.
[F] - Favorite book: The Color Purple is climbing to the top...along with Girl, Interrupted
[G] - Gummy worms or gummy bears? Gummy worms
[H] - Hometown: Overland Park/Prairie Village, Ks
[I] - Instruments: guitar, piano (I play trombone but haven't touched it in almost a year)
[J]- Junior High: Mission Valley Middle School
[K] - Kids: absolutely wonderful! can be really annoying at times, though
[L] - Longest car ride ever: 30 hours over two days.
[M] - Mom's name: Linda Grace
[N] - Nicknames: Fuzzy, KK, K, Lesbian
[O] - One wish: I refrain from answering that question
[P] - Phobia[s]: Ghosts, spiders
[Q] - Quote: It's nice to see you and the memories that you brought. It's nice to see you and the battles that we fought. It's nice to see you. I've been missing home a lot. It's nice to see you. I tried to run but I got caught.
[R] - Reason to smile: love
[S] - Song last sang: Rodney Branigan
[T] - Time woken up [today]: eight thirty
[U]- Unknown fact about me: ...I have no idea.
[V] - Vegetable you hate: spinach
[W] - Worst habit(s): worrying, being dramatic.
[X]-rays: sadly no
[Y] - Yummy food: reese's peanut butter cups
[Z] - Zodiac sign: taurus

I'm recording our history on a one bedroom wall...

2005-05-07T07:03:57Z

And when we leave the landlord will come and paint over it all.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires.
And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek.
You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships.
It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Your Life Path Number Is 11

11

Your life path is greatly associated with spiritual awareness.

As one of the two master numbers, the 11 yields understanding and knowledge beyond the grasp of others.

The attitude toward life of those possessing this Life Path is somewhat extreme; extremely intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic, visionary, and cultured.

These extremes make you an interesting, if unusual person, with much to offer society.

The Life Path 11 person is deep-thinking, and you are no doubt interested in understanding many of life's mysteries and more intriguing facets.

Your inventive mind and broad-minded views will permit you to succeed in life in any number of ventures.

You can best serve society, however, in those endeavors utilizing your skills of counseling and guidance.

Much of your idealism is people oriented and quite humanitarian in nature.

You expect a great deal of yourself and of those to whom you are close.

On the negative side, there is a lot of nervous tension associated with the 11 life path, and you can be a difficult person to deal with because of this.

For this reason, relationships, at times, can be difficult.

This is a Life Path that seems to feature broad mood swings between the elation and depression.

You are likely to have trouble making decisions and getting your life in gear, so to speak.

There is a tendency for the 11 to harbor feelings of uneasiness, and dissatisfaction with accomplishments and personal progress in life.

Your grandiose schemes usually make sense, but you can get off the track and they can be very impractical.

You have a very distinct side that lacks common sense, and you are quite often unable to distinguish between fantasy and reality.

In this regard, you are perhaps more of a dreamer than a doer.

When you do get on target, your ideas seem to have been inspired on high.

Perhaps you are not a leader, but you are a visionary and a very talented idea person.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

But in each others shadows we grew less and less tall.

2005-05-07T06:25:43Z

So I don't really have anything to say. It's 1:15am and I'm really tired and I'm at April's and we just watched Shaun of the Dead. It was kinda dumb but it had it's amusing moments.

I should be done with my job on either the 19th or the 24th. It all depends on whether or not Paul can find someone to work for me on the two days that I need off. I hope he does, but then again I hope he doesn't. If I don't get those days off then I can quit and have a nice week long break between jobs, but if I do get those days off and I get to work a few more days after that then that will be more money for bills and gas and shit like that. Either way, I don't really care.

You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)

(You are more dramatic than 50% of the population.)

You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments.

You know how to steal the spotlight...

And how to act out to get your way.

People around you know that you're good for a laugh.

But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone.

Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

I hate to admit it, but it's true. I try not to be, but I have my moments where I can't seem to stop myself. I'm really working on it, though.

Your Brain is 80.00% Female, 20.00% Male

Your brain leans female

You think with your heart, not your head

Sweet and considerate, you are a giver

But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Ok I really don't have anything to say I guess. I'll go now. Later days kids and you all have a fun and safe night! xoxoxoxo

I want the world to revolve around me. Aren't you getting dizzy?

2005-05-02T19:30:23Z

My penis's new name is Colonel Sanders the Understated Weapon of Mass Destruction.
Take Name Your Penis by badasstronaut. today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Eew penis!!! I'm so tired. I don't wanna go to work. Anyone want to work for me? I would love you forever and call you princess!!! FINE! WHATEVER!!! I hate you all!!! Nah, just kiddin'. I'll talk to you all later.

P.S. YAY FOR SWEET POTATOES!!!

Fuck you very much.

2005-05-02T04:30:51Z

Why does this have to be so hard?! It's almost not worth it, but if I were to reverse time and take it back I would still be in the same place: lonely. I just wouldn't be able to say I have experienced the most amazing thing ever!

Am totally exhausted from babysitting. Gonna go to bed. G'night.

You left your smell. You left your taste. You left me here with my mistakes.

2005-05-01T17:16:46Z

Sometimes I'm ridiculous and stupid sometimes.

So I went to work yesterday and it was boring as hell, but April came to visit me for a few hours which was nice. I totally fucked around on the job, but I'm almost done with that place so I really don't care a lot.

I went to The Planet last night for open mic night and I played and it was awesome and I got a lot of praise which is nice, but it tends to make me very uncomfortable... Afterwards we went to Libby and Nikole's and chilled and watched High Art, but I didn't really get to see most of it because we were all talking so loud. I stayed over there because everyone left at four in the morning and I was way too fucking tired to drive. Their couch was really comfortable, though. I'm so tired right now! (Before Libby and everyone else got to the house Nikole and I were chillin' and having relationship conversation and she said that if she didn't have a girlfriend then she would go for me. She wouldn't say that if she didn't mean it so it makes me so very happy! It totally lightened my mood, which was needed.)

April and I are going to Lee Summit today to babysit for a guy she works with. It should be alright and it's a little extra cash.

Ok well I'm gonna go. Have a great day y'all!!!

Your Birthdate: May 10

Your birth on the 10th day of the month adds a tone of independence and extra energy to your life.

The number 1 energy suggest more executive ability and leadership qualities than you path may have indicated.

A birthday on the 10th of any month gives greater will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach.

This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush.

You are sensitive, but your feeling stay somewhat repressed.

You have a compelling manner that can be dominating in many situations.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?